


Different Types of Love

by oh_imintrouble



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, First Kiss, Happy Ending, I'm so disappointed in myself rn, M/M, Post ep 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 17:44:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8455846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_imintrouble/pseuds/oh_imintrouble
Summary: Yuuri tries to figure out just what kind of love it is he has for Victor





	

**Author's Note:**

> have some more self indulgent Victuri because thAT NEW EPISODE GAVE ME A LOT OF FEELINGS THAT I PHYSICALLY HAD TO GET OUT

When he first said it, Yuuri was sure he was dreaming. They were standing outside the rink one evening after practice, Yuuri finally exhausted of his stamina after his numerous attempts at perfecting the triple salchow, and Victor equally tired from his demonstrations. Both men had been eager to leave, to return to the Inn for dinner then turning in early for bed. But once they were outside, Victor stopped.

The Russian stood at the top of the stairs while Yuuri descended, his gaze locked on the setting sun. The sky had become the most beautiful watercolor painting, the blue fading into shades of purple and pink, and the clouds illuminated by the remaining light of the sun. Yuuri saw a smile playing on his coach’s face when he turned to look up at him, cocking his head curiously. Victor finally tore his gaze from the sky, and instead looked down at the other man, the warmth from the sun paling in comparison to the look on his face.

Victor stepped down the remaining stairs until he was level with Yuuri, and reached out to take his hand in his. His thumb lightly grazed over his knuckles, and he glanced down between them a moment before meeting his gaze again.

“I love you, Yuuri.”

Despite the warmth flooding his face, Yuuri felt ice cold. He had said before at the press conference that Victor was the one person he didn’t want to let go of, and though he wasn’t sure if it was romantic or platonic, he loved him. Hearing that Victor loved him should have filled him with happiness, he should have felt like his heart was ready to beat right out of his chest. But even with all the expectations he had for himself, the daydreams he had conjured imagining this moment, he never thought that all he would feel was panic.

He stiffened, and stared up at the other man with wide eyes. “Victor, I-“ he stopped, his voice getting lost in his throat, and swallowed thickly.

He expected him to let go of his hand, to take his reaction as a rejection, but Victor’s expression simply softened. He used his free hand to cup his jaw, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his temple. “You said you weren’t sure of your feelings,” he started, his voice low, “but I am sure of mine. I love you, Yuuri. I do not expect you to return my feelings, nor will I pressure you. I just wanted to make it known, so that if you do decide, you will already have my answer.”

Yuuri looked up at Victor, bathed in a warm glow, and realized he could only nod. He gave his hand a squeeze, feeling his own shaking, and uncomfortably shifted his weight to one foot.

“Let’s go home then,” he said, releasing his hand to put his in his pocket, and started back down the stairs without a second glance.

Once back at the inn, they ate together, filling the time with easy but shallow conversation, then separated to go to their own rooms. Just before Yuuri opened his door, he chanced a glance down the hall at Victor. His voice rang out before he even had time to process what he was thinking.

“Victor!” He called, causing him to stop almost midstep to look at Yuuri. “I’ll…I’ll think about it. Please be patient with me,” he gave a quick bow before disappearing in his room, missing the smile he gave.

  


It wasn’t that Yuuri was completely lost when it came to loving someone. He grew up in a loving home where his parents always expressed their feelings in words as well as actions, his friends from his time in Detroit would all tell stories about their significant other, and Yuuri saw it between Yuuko and Takeshi since they were young. It was just…seeing love and recognizing it in others was infinitely easier than recognizing it in yourself.

He had had crushes and he knew what it was like to be infatuated with someone, but being in love with them? He loved his parents, his friends, his childhood dog, and yes, he did love Victor. And the love he had for Victor was different than what he had for everyone else in his life, but did that make it romantic?

He tried to rationalize things at first, write off the reasons he thought he loved him as things he had just admired about the other man. Yuuri had always admired him from afar; it was possible that what he was feeling now was just admiration.  

However, unlike with admiration, Yuuri didn’t disregard his flaws. He recognized that Victor was stubborn, hopelessly forgetful, he said rude things with a smile on his face as if it would lessen the blow, and if he hadn’t slept enough the night before he could be an absolute terror to work with. He recognized these, and in fact, embraced them. That was who Victor was, and even when he was chastising him or accidentally embarrassing him, he would smile and shake his head fondly. Because even his worst traits were somehow endearing.

So then maybe he saw him as a best friend. He had always cared deeply for his friends, always wanted to see them happy, and for the most part found a silver lining to their faults.

But he never opened up to his friends like he had Victor. He had never told any of them about the hospital incident with the girl that had a crush on him in Detroit, never openly admitted to his insecurities as in depth as he had, and had always instead chose to keep to himself. He would hole himself up in his bedroom and deny the outside world access into his life. Victor hadn’t let him do that. Victor had all but forcibly drag him from his bed until he talked to him, just so he could clear his head and reevaluate his thoughts.

He didn’t admire him as a fan, didn’t care for him as just a friend, didn’t see him as a father figure or a brother or even as just a couch.

Did he love Victor?

The idea of Victor kissing him, holding him, sleeping in the same bed, sharing his life with the other man… it all terrified him. Because what if it was fleeting? What if whatever spark there was between them fizzled out, and Victor grew tired of him? What if Yuuri gave his everything and was left alone with nothing to show for it but a broken heart?

Wouldn’t denying his feelings before they got the chance to grow be easier than piecing himself back together when Victor left? It was certainly the safe choice—telling Victor that he loved him, just not in the same way.

Then he remembered the way Victor had looked at him, like he was the reason the sun chose to rise every morning. And he forced himself to imagine how that look would change if he lied about how he felt. Just the idea of it made his heart clench uncomfortably in his chest, and he quickly had to push the thought to the back of his mind before it could break him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Victor. But that was his only option, wasn’t it? Either he could hurt Victor, or allow Victor to hurt him.

  


In the end, he still couldn’t decide what would be better for the both of them. It kept him up late into the night, and despite how exhausted he had been he found himself restlessly pacing the hall. He stopped in front of Victor’s door, and before he could even give himself time to consider what he was going to say, he knocked.

He heard footsteps on the other side of the door, and nervously fidgeted with the edge of his sleeves, his anxiety rising as he heard the steps approaching.

“Yuuri?” He murmured, his brows furrowed and eyes half-lidded. “What time is it? Is everything okay?”

“Can I come in?”

Victor seemed surprised by that, and without another word, stepped back out of the way to allow him in. Yuuri swallowed the lump in his throat, and went to take a seat on the edge of his bed. He kept his gaze on the floor, the low light of the moon coming in from the windows casting his shadow on the floorboards. He only looked up when he saw Victor’s shadow join his, and felt the dip of the mattress beside him.

“When you said…that y-you loved me,” Yuuri started, mentally chastising himself for stuttering, “what did you…what did you mean by that?”

Seemingly grasping what he was getting at Victor smiled, his cheeks pink, and set a hand on the other man’s thigh. “I meant that I love you. Every part of you. I love your smile, your laugh, your wonderfully infuriating stubbornness you keep hidden, that pout that you give me when you’re tired,” he brought his free hand up, letting his thumb graze his bottom lip as if to prove his point. “I love how hard you try, how you put everything you have into your performances and your practice. You never cease to amaze me, Yuuri. I want to see you grow as a skater and as a man, to see your confidence bloom and for you to recognize what an incredible person you are. But more than all of that, I want to be the one you allow to stay by your side through it all.”

Yuuri felt his heart in his throat, and he let his shaking hand grasp his. It was like he had put his own feelings into words, and just like that Yuuri understood. He loved Victor. He loved him for the perfectly imperfect man that he was, and he wanted to always be by his side. Sure there was a chance that it wouldn’t last, that one day he might leave, but it was a chance he wanted to take.

“Like I said,” he continued, seeing Yuuri struggle with his own words, “you don’t have to give me your answer right away. I’ll wait for you as long as you need-“

“I love you too.”

Victor paused, and even in the darkness, Yuuri could see the blush on his cheeks spreading to the tips of his ears. He could see the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, and felt his fingers squeezing his thigh.

“Do you…do you love me as your friend? Or as a lover?”

Summoning all the courage left in him, Yuuri pressed forward, capturing him in a kiss. He felt the other man tense and exhale sharply against him, but before he could pull away, Victor relaxed, moving his hand to the back of his neck to keep him in place. He kissed him enthusiastically, and Yuuri followed his lead, letting his hands drop to the front of his robe to pull him closer. In that kiss everything suddenly made sense, and he had never been more sure of his feelings than he was in that moment.

Finally he pulled away, eyes wide and cheeks flushed, and he looked up at Victor. If the other man thought the sun rose for Yuuri, then he decided the moon must belong to Victor. Outside the moon sat high in the sky, full and bright and surrounded by billions of stars. And in that moment he thought that it must be Victor that put it in the sky each night, a beacon of light to even the darkest of skies.

“I love you, Victor,” he repeated, resolute, and reached up to tuck a stray lock of silver hair behind his ear.

Victor’s smile dazzled him, and he wrapped him in a tight hug, burying his face in his collarbone. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> let's all just promise to be real cool and pretend I didn't write this 2 hours after watching the new episode kay? kay *double finger guns* if you need me I'llbe in the trash where I belong


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